Time to Start Getting Real

Now that the strike is over, we can fully devote all our attention to the big awards show coming up. We can fill out ballots for the office pool, weigh the merits of the worthy contenders, and decisively choose the nominees we believe deserve that most prestigious of prizes.

I am speaking, of course, of the forthcoming Real World Awards, due to air (as if I have to tell you) on MTV at the prime viewing time of 1 p.m. on Saturday, March 29. Oh, it's still a long ways off, but Internet voting ends in just 10 days! And with 13 categories, how ever will you have the time to fully dissect all the nominees?

Fear not. Tinsel and Rot is here for you.

Today, we will look at the first four categories: Hottest Female, Hottest Male, Favorite Season, and Best Fight.

Hottest Female

Nominees: Cameran (San Diego), Irulan (Las Vegas), Jacinda (London), Jamie (San Diego), Jenn (Denver), KellyAnne (Sydney), Mallory (Paris), Melinda (Austin), Svetlana (Key West), Trishelle (Las Vegas)

T&R Analysis: OK, first things first: I've never seen a Sydney episode, I vaguely remember Key West, and I forgot there even was a Denver season. So I'm gonna have to knock those three out of the running right off the bat, despite two out of three piquing my interest after watching the 30-second clips on MTV.com. If Las Vegas ended after two episodes, maybe Trishelle gets the nod. But it didn't. Irulan also would've benefitted from a severely shortened Vegas season (if I remember correctly, that Vegas season lasted 18 years). Cameran from San Diego started strong, but gradually had the Hottest Girl in the House crown wrested away from her by Jamie, who, alas, suffers from not being a camera whore and thus not providing a strong enough sample. Jacinda was a looker, but, if I'm gonna be honest, I was a Kat man in London. So I'm gonna have to take Jacinda out of the race. Melinda's a solid candidate, but she falls just short of the person who may have been the only reason I watched the Paris season.

T&R's Choice: Mallory (Paris)

Hottest Male

Nominees: Alex (Denver), Alton (Las Vegas), Brad (San Diego), CT (Paris), Chris (Chicago), Danny (Austin), Eric (New York), Isaac (Sydney), Eric (New York), Jason (Boston), Johnny (Key West)

T&R Analysis: Do you really think I'm gonna analyze this one? Like I need to scare off any other women who question my heterosexuality. But I do know some women who would be outraged that David from Seattle wasn't even nominated. Honest. I know women.

T&R's Choice: Um, how about we give one to the old school? Eric (New York) it is.

Favorite Season

Nominees: New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, London, Miami, Boston, Seattle, Hawaii, New Orleans, Back to New York, Chicago, Las Vegas, Paris, San Diego, Philadelphia, Austin, Key West, Denver, Sydney

T&R Analysis: OK, right off the bat, you knock off any season near a beach. Adios, Key West, Miami, San Diego, and Hawaii. Vegas is out next, for reasons explained earlier. Then you take out Denver and Sydney because they provided nothing compelling enough to make me watch more than 10 minutes. Next out are London and Paris, for reasons I shouldn't have to explain to anyone who's seen those seasons. Austin, Boston, Chicago, Philadelphia, and Back to New York are the next to exit because, well, who needs a reason? (If you really need one, how about "they were inconsistent," or, in the case of Philadelphia, "it blew"?) I've let New Orleans stay this long merely out of respect to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. So, we're left with the Final Four: New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Seattle. It's tough to knock the first two seasons out (especially New York), but I don't think they stand up to the other two. San Francisco had the Great Puck and Pedro Battle, but Seattle had David's Boston-inflected screaming in a car, Lindsay's friend's suicide, and the War Between Steven and Irene, culminating in the Great Slap.

T&R's Choice: Seattle

Best Fight

Nominees: Brynn throws a fork at Steven (Las Vegas), Tami and Dave screaming match and blanket pull (Los Angeles), Tyrie punches a garage door instead of Davis (Denver), Pedro and Puck face off (San Francisco), Julie and Kevin discuss racism (New York)

T&R Analysis: I thought this would be a lot tougher than it is, mainly because Steven and Irene's fight is inexplicably off the ballot. I need answers on that one, MTV. Until I get those answers, this one's easy as pie. Brynn throwing a fork was lame, the clip of Tyrie and Davis bores me, the Pedro and Puck battle doesn't have the fire to take the prize, and Julie and Kevin's sidewalk shouting falls just short of legendary status. There is only one legend in the category. If it doesn't win, the voting process needs to be examined.

T&R's Choice:Tami and Dave screaming match and blanket pull (Los Angeles)

NEXT TIME: Steamiest Scene, Best Brush with the Law, Best Meltdown, and Favorite Love Story

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