Yahoo! News Reimagined, Vol. 1

Behold, the first in an occasional series that was conceived years ago when I saw a Yahoo! News headline that read something like "Carter busted for DUI." Carlene? Deana? Jimmy? Turned out it was Nick, whom I hadn't even considered, and which made the story completely uninteresting to me. Was the vagueness of "Carter" meant to rope me in? Do the people at Yahoo! News like to tease? Could I make a better story in my head? I only know the answer to one of those questions. Thus, I present Yahoo! News Reimagined.

Headline: Morrison endorses Obama for president

Fresh off an explosive victory in South Carolina, Barack Obama's presidential hopes got another blast this weekend from Tommy "The Machine" Gunn.

Former heavyweight champion and "Rocky V" star Tommy Morrison threw his support to the Illinois Democrat during a lull while signing autographs at a celebrity convention in Burbank, Calif.

"Senator Obama has the heart and fire to knock out the competition on his way to the White House, " Morrison said. "He has the soul of a champion, just like Rocky."

Morrison, seated next to currently undecided Tonya Harding at the Showstopper Stars Spectacular, decided to publicly announce his support for Obama in an attempt to counteract recent criticism from former President Bill Clinton and give the senator momentum heading into Super Tuesday on February 5.

"When you look at that final fight between Rocky and I at the end of 'Rocky V,' you can't discredit the impact that the crowd at the bar had on that brawl. They willed Rocky to victory," Morrison said. "I hope to do the same for Senator Obama."

When a reporter pointed out that Morrison seemed to be having trouble separating fact from film fiction and that it sounded like the Obama campaign was feeding him lines, the former boxer took issue.

"I'm nobody's puppet! Nobody's boy!" Morrison screamed, catching the attention of several people on line to meet film legend William Zabka.

A member of Morrison's entourage quickly calmed him down, and Morrison apologized for his outburst before excusing himself to attend to a gentleman holding three "Rocky V" action figures.

Carl Weathers and Lawrence "Mr. T" Tero are expected to reveal their endorsements before next Tuesday. Burt Young could not be reached for comment.

1 comment:

Angelissima said...

OMG! Classic.

Dying. Almost peed my pants.

As goes Oprah, so goes the nation.