2.16.2006

100 Greatest Teen Stars: The Aftermath

OK, so I've had some time to think about this. And after careful study and comparison with VH-1's 100 Greatest Kid Stars, here are the highlights of those thoughts:

***Some random teen stars with a legit gripe: Valerie Bertinelli, New Edition, New Kids on the Block, Malcolm Jamal-Warner, and Todd Bridges.

***Shannen Doherty was 19 when "90210" started. 19! So she was the fifth greatest teen star for one year in West Beverly (a pretty bad season if I recall) and for two seasons on "Our House"? That's rich.

***Kim "Tootie" Fields deserved to be on the list, and a case could be made for Lisa "Blair" Whelchel and Nancy "Jo" McKeon. But I can't go too deep into that, because then you would know that I've watched too many episodes of "The Facts of Life."

***Maureen McCormick was #9 in the Kid Stars but fell all the way to #86 in Teen Stars. Forget about Cheney for a bit and focus on this tragedy. For the record, she was either 12 or 13 when "The Brady Bunch" started filming, so she was most definitely a star in her teens. And a bigger star than the kid from "The Last American Virgin," a movie that I don't think anyone I know has seen. But at least she made the list. Chris Knight (#20 Child Star; 12-?17 when on "TBB"), Barry Williams (#22 Child Star; 15-?20 when on "TBB"), and Eve Plumb (#61; 11-?16 when on "TBB") got the big Sam's meat-locker freezeout. I want a formal apology, VH-1.

***Look, maybe you hate Urkel, but there's gotta be room for him. Jaleel White was in his teens for the whole run of "Family Matters." His exclusion is an abomination, though it's a boon for Screech, who takes the King Teen TV Nerd title (even though he went from #16 in Child Stars to #32 in Teen Stars).

***Did you people ever watch "The Wonder Years"? No Fred Savage or Danica "Winnie Cooper" McKellar? But the kid from the Encyclopedia Britannica commercials, yeah, he's freakin' timeless. VH-1 is run by soulless, brain-dead monsters.

***Corey Feldman placed #8 on the Child Stars List, and none of the people above him on that list made the Teen Stars cut. So how does he slip to #25, ass clowns? The vast majority of his work was done in his teens ("Gremlins" and "The Goonies" are on the cusp, and all that's before are a smattering of TV appearances and voice work). So explain how he drops 17 slots. And lands behind Jennifer Love Hewitt! Please. That's just poor listmaking. And Molly Ringwald jumps from #17 in Child Stars to the Top of the Teens, while Anthony Michael Hall goes from #41 to #4? Is John Hughes running VH-1 now? And is he pissed that he never got to work with the Felddog?

I could go on (as you've probably guessed), but maybe it's best to just let this go.

But, seriously, one Brady on the list? One Brady?!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

The omission of New Edition is an abomination. Granted you can say that The Jackson 5, The Sylvers and The Osmonds were all forerunners of New Edition. But, there is a straight line from New Edition to New Kids on the Block to all of the Florida produced boy bands. Pity, who made up the list?

No Urkel, who else on this list has their own doll, the boy bands probably.

Mr. Bad Example said...

VH-1 never says who makes up the list, for security purposes I would guess.

Those people I mention (including New Edition and Urkel) all made the 100 Greatest Child Stars list, but not the Teen one. I don't see how that's possible. Crooks.