100 Greatest Teen Stars: 80–61

80. Ralph Macchio--Not just the Karate KId, he was also the New York Islanders' celebrity captain during the NHL's 75th anniversary season. I feel very confident that you didn't know that.
79. Lynn-Holly Johnson (from the movie "Ice Castles")--Well, I guess Zabka got the shaft because he wouldn't sit down for an interview, because this chickie got a real long segment. And I have no idea who she is. All I know about "Ice Castles" is that whenever Keith Slattery plays "Theme from Ice Castles" during a Jimmy Sturr show, it always brings things to a grinding halt. Man, I hate that song. But good luck to Jimmy and the gang as they go for another Grammy tomorrow night.
78. Brian Austin Green--Deserves to be on the list just for that "90210" episode when his awful rapping defuses the racial tension at West Beverly.
77. Jason London--"Dazed and Confused" is a good movie, so I'll allow it.
76. Christopher Atkins (from "The Blue Lagoon")--My mom and dad used to watch "Dallas" (and "Falcon Crest") every Friday, so I remember when Chris Atkins moved into Southfork. Never saw "The Blue Lagoon," though. I have no other thoughts, except those are some really bad boots he was wearing in that clip.
75. Neil Patrick Harris--About a decade ago, when Neil Patrick Harris was doing nothing, some autograph collectors told me he refused to sign pictures in which he was dressed as Doogie Howser. That was just about the funniest thing I'd ever heard. Should also be remembered for his fine work in the movie "Clara's Heart."
74. Lisa Bonet--I would've thought higher for a Cosby kid. I hope Tempestt Bledsoe doesn't make the list.
73. C. Thomas Howell--Ample time devoted to "Soul Man." Nice. Such a ridiculous movie.
72. Jon Cryer--Never a big fan. Sorry. Good in "Hot Shots," though.
71. Jennifer Jason Leigh--Nice to see she wasn't overlooked. Met her once and was slightly upset that she wasn't as hot as I'd hoped. Crappy signature, too.
70. Helen Slater (from "Supergirl" and "The Legend of Billy Jean")--The only thing I've ever seen her in is "Ruthless People." She's no Zabka.
69. Jami Gertz--Has actually gotten hotter with age. Almost makes me want to watch that sitcom she's in. And almost makes me want to learn the name of it.
68. Lawrence Monoson (from "The Last American Virgin")--You're kidding, right? Apparently, all you need to do is sit down for an interview to get on this list. After they finish being ashamed for "Flavor of Love," VH-1 should start feeling ashamed about this. And invite Billy Zabka onto "The Surreal Life."
67. Hilary Duff--Lee Curreri (#99) says he enjoys watching her. I bet, ya perv. For the record, I prefer her over Lindsay Lohan.
66. Will Smith--Apparently started rapping at 19, which makes this a stretch. But if the guy from "The Last American Virgin" is gonna make it, I guess everyone's welcome.
65. Meredith Salenger--I didn't think she'd actually make the countdown. Interesting. Also interesting is that Corey Haim is never allowed to be on screen for more than five seconds. And I think that's a wise call on VH-1's part.
64.Christian Slater--I stopped thinking Christian Slater was cool when he did "Untamed Heart," where he played a guy with a baboon's heart. That might have been worse than "Soul Man."
63. Glenn Scarpelli (from "One Day at a Time")--He was the emcee at the Miss Richmond County Fair pageant that my sister was in back in the 1980s. We've got pictures. I guess he must've performed. And, based on the clip from "American Bandstand," I wish someone had videotaped that.
62. A.J. Langer (from "My So-Called Life")--Never got into "My So-Called Life," even though I thought Claire Danes was cute. So I have no opinion here.
61. Susan Dey--Thought "The Partridge Family" was stupid; I'm a "Brady Bunch" man, as you may have guessed. But Susan Dey was hotter than Maureen McCormick (and Eve Plumb and Susan Olsen. And Florence Henderson. And Ann B. Davis).

Almost halfway there, and I'm starting to get worried. We'll see what tomorrow night at 9 p.m. brings.

For those keeping score at home, I've "met" (i.e, obtained autographs from) only three out of the first 40 (Patrick Dempsey, Maureen McCormick, and Jennifer Jason Leigh). I've seen Neil Patrick Harris, C. Thomas Howell, and Glenn Scarpelli, but only glimpses, although I guess I might have talked to Glenn Scarpelli when I was 9. I doubt it, though.