2.09.2006

100 Greatest Teen Stars: 40–21

40. Andrew McCarthy--Helen Slater says he's "sorta like Jimmy Stewart." Um, sure.
39. Tracey Gold--Well, based on the hundreds of soundbites she'd been providing, I figured she'd make the list. But, well, I don't know. This seems way too high. Maybe she got pity votes because of the anorexia.
38. Tom Cruise--A stretch. His first big role was in "Taps," and he was 19. Plus, everyone knows the only movie he's done that's stood the test of time is "Cocktail." On a side note, I'm getting very tired of hearing Glenn Scarpelli.
37. Brandy--She shouldn't have mentioned that Kim Fields was her acting coach, 'cause now I'm wondering why Tootie hasn't been in the countdown yet.
36. Willie Aames--Dear, dear Willie. From "Eight is Enough" to "Charles in Charge" to "Bibleman" to "Celebrity Fit Club," he never disappoints. And it turns out he's also a horrifically bad singer, too. Bravo.
35. Jason Priestley--Thought he'd be higher up. The top 20 has the potential to be very interesting.
34. Ally Sheedy--Often overlooked, but a solid choice and in just about the right spot here. She should win an award just for that scene in "Short Circuit" where it looks like she and Johnny Five might have sex.
33. Ricky Schroder--The second Staten Island native on the countdown. Where's the respect for the forgotten borough, people? I'm still holding out hope that I might someday have a train that runs through my house.
32. Dustin Diamond--Zoinks! There are no words. Should be in the top 25, no doubt about it. And he sat down for an interview, so I don't get it. Maybe it's anti-Semitism. In his interview, he mentioned that, as a standup, he's now "living and dying by his jokes." Well, he's half right.
31. Leonardo DiCaprio--Bo-ring. Nowhere near the talent of Dustin Diamond. Or Zabka. To be honest, I don't think I've seen him in anything other than "Growing Pains." Seriously. I think I may have watched "Romeo and Juliet," but I can't remember.
30. Alyssa Milano--Miss Teen Steam. Good placement, I think.
29. Leif Garrett--Before my time, and I wouldn't have even known who he was if it weren't for that "Behind the Music" special. But just on that alone, I'll allow this.
28. Matthew Broderick--Another guy who wasn't a teen when he was in teen movies. So I don't know. But I guess you can't deny Ferris Bueller, even if he was well into his twenties.
27. Backstreet Boys--Well, at least they weren't acknowledged separately. I hope this doesn't mean NSYNC makes the top 10. I fear it does
26. Joey Lawrence--Whoa. I mean, for that alone, he's golden. Plus, there's nothing his love can't fix for ya, baby.
25. Corey Feldman--Whaaaaaaaat? I had him as a sure top 10. And ahead of the Haimster (I'm assuming he's coming up). This is straight-up bullshit. I'm tempted to stop watching. But if I did, I would've missed him saying, "The purpose of Corey Feldman is to bring a little laughter, a little peace, and a little love." Mission accomplished, Felddog.
24. Jennifer Love Hewitt--Right—she's better than Corey Feldman. Sure. Did enjoy her work in "The Trojan War" and "House Arrest," though. And "Can't Hardly Wait" wasn't bad. But none of those can top "Dream A Little Dream." Fact. Chris Atkins talking about how hot she is made me very uncomfortable.
23. Tori Spelling--"Donna Martin graduates! Donna Martin graduates!" Way too high for her, and the fact that she has a reality series coming up on VH-1 makes this stink of conspiracy. But her work as Violet Bickerstaff on "Saved by the Bell" will keep me from getting too upset about this.
22. John Cusack--Eh. I don't really think of him as a teen star. He seemed to be in better stuff after his teens. "One Crazy Summer," though, that's a gem. And he might have been a teen in that. So, OK.
21. Tiffany--Though I wasn't really fond of either of them, I did prefer Tiffany over Debbie Gibson. Apparently, Debbie will be getting a higher ranking though. I wonder if it's because she's the host of the special. I want a federal investigation started.

5 comments:

kiddigit said...

Why is Dustin Diamond an anti-semite?

Mr. Bad Example said...

Dustin Diamond is Jewish, so his appearance in such an unforgivably bad slot could be the result of VH-1's anti-Semitism. Or so my joke goes.

Try to keep up.

kiddigit said...

Oh, c'mon! Updates on the next installment! I'm watching it right now and have nothing to read it against!

kiddigit said...

Oh my god! I know who's going to be #1. I totally now. I know, I know, I know! $100 says I KNOW!

Mr. Bad Example said...

Dude. It was up by 10:20. I needed some time to get my thoughts together and recover from my disappointment.

I figured out who #1 was during Anthony Michael Hall's segment. And I was not pleased.

I am now thinking of all those who got shafted. VH-1 has some 'splainin to do.