Are You Ready for Some Fleecing?

Every few months I check in with the Hank Williams Jr. website to (a) see if he might be crossing the Mason-Dixon line to do a show and (b) to see the latest addition to the vast Bocephus merch catalog. So when I went to the site and saw the banner on the page advertising "The Ultimate Meet and Greet," my interest was piqued. I've only been to one meet and greet, but I'd go to more, well, if there were more current country artists I wanted to actually meet and/or greet. Bocephus would be one person I'd be interested in meeting and greeting, which is something I can't really explain. I'm just fascinated with Hank Williams Jr., as evidenced, of course, by the two singing and dancing Bocephi in my apartment. We've discussed this before.

Anyway, I figured I'd check out the info on this "Ultimate Meet and Greet." And I soon experienced the horror that enveloped me when I researched that card show last month. I need to stop spending time on the Internet.

Here are the particulars:

A LIMITED number of TEN fans will be offered the opportunity to meet Hank Williams Jr. in person, each night of the Rowdy Frynds Tour!!!

Selected participants will be escorted backstage PRIOR to Hank’s performance to meet Hank Jr. and have a photo taken with him.

Rules:

The Ultimate Meet & Greet opportunity does NOT provide you admittance into the concert or the Rowdy Frynds Tour. You must purchase a ticket to the show.

Hank Williams Jr. will NOT be signing autographs. If you would like something signed, please join the fan club or purchase a signed photo through the fan club.

Photos taken at the meet & greet will be posted at www.hankjr.com for fans to view and print out. We will NOT be sending printed copies of the photos to recipients.

Hank Williams Jr. will meet fans before his show. If you are late or not at the designated area to be escorted backstage, you will lose your meet & greet privilege and your money will NOT be refunded.

Thanks and we look forward to seeing you on the road in 2008!!!

The Hank Williams Jr. Fan Club

OK, so let's take a look at this "ultimate" experience. Hank Jr. will not be signing any autographs for you, making me question the "ultimate" claim. But, hey, with ten people to attend to, you can't expect Bocephus to invest all that time he would have to spend signing an autograph. Fair enough. I'll just buy one off the website. Oh wait, it's $100? A hundred dollars?! Maybe I'll pass on that.

But at least you'll get a picture with him, probably by a "professional" photographer like that card show. Cool. What? You'll have to print it out from the website? Oh.

Well, that's fine. So I'll get to meet Hank Williams Jr. and maybe take a picture with my own camera. That'll be interesting, I guess. Yes, it will be. I'm in. Let me just join the fan club or pay the fee or whatever it is I have to do. So, that'll be...

Five hundred dollars?

Really?

April Fools?

No?

For $500, Bocephus oughta take a picture with me, sign however many autographs I want, let me wear one of his dad's suits, and sing "Fax Me a Beer" until I get tired of it (shouldn't be too long). I guess "Monday Night Football" doesn't pay Rockin' Randall enough, or at least not enough that he doesn't need to toss another $5,000 a night into his pocket courtesy of his fans.

I'm not sure what depresses me more--the fact that Hank Jr. is doing his best to erase the years of goodwill the country music industry has established with its fans or that the Charlotte and Detroit meet and greets are sold out.

Luckily, I got this and two (horribly scrawled) autographs awhile ago:



Total cost: $0. Much better deal.