Chris Benoit

So, since you don't watch professional wrestling, I imagine you had a quiet Monday night. I, on the other hand, spent about four hours alternately watching a tribute to Chris Benoit on USA and scouring the Internet for more information on his death.

If I'm home on Mondays, I instinctively flip over to Monday Night Raw out of sheer curiosity. In doing so, I follow the family tradition established by my dad, who used to call me at college and say, "Wrestling's so stupid now" before recapping most of the two-hour Monday Night Raw that he was glued to that particular week. I like to think I'm making progress, because now I genuinely do lose interest after about three minutes. See, attractive single women reading this blog: I'm making progress! I'll be human in just three to five years!

Anyway, I flipped over to USA at about 7:58 and caught the promo for the evening's special three-hour Raw commemorating the life and legacy of "Mr. McMahon," who "blew up" in a "limo fire" on a recent edition of Raw. The quote marks are there for a reason, people. Vince McMahon is alive. Breathe easy. But tonight's Raw was supposed to be a memorial celebration of "Mr. McMahon." As I watched a clip of his daughter crying in the promo, I thought, "Well, this sort of demeans those actual memorial shows they do when wrestlers actually die. This seems like a bad idea." And just as I had finished thinking that, a picture of Chris Benoit appeared on the screen above the words "Chris Benoit, 1967-2007." Any thought that this too was what is called a "work" in the wrestling business (yes, ladies--I know wrestling business lingo!) was erased when the allegedly dead Vince McMahon appeared in the middle of the ring in an empty Texas arena to announce that Benoit, his wife Nancy (a former wrestling manager), and son Daniel were found dead at their home outside of Atlanta.

I scurried on over to the computer to see if there was more info on the Web, but there wasn't much outside of a few wrestling sites. So I spent the rest of the night watching wrestlers cope with the loss of a friend (while checking in on the Mets during commercial breaks) and checking news sites for more info. Helluva way to spend an evening.

Then, after Raw ended, I headed back to the computer, and at that point the Georgia police were saying that they were investigating the matter as a murder-suicide (originally, it was reported that it was being treated as a homicide). An Atlanta TV station reported that investigators "believe the 40-year-old Benoit killed his wife, Nancy, and 7-year-old son, Daniel, over the weekend, then himself on Monday." And after fully comprehending the awfulness of that possible scenario (just thinking of it makes my stomach turn), I realized that I spent my evening watching a tribute to a guy who might have killed his wife and son. That made me feel weird.

In any case, after what I imagine was several hours of editors asking "Are we sure this is real?," the story is starting to make its way onto front pages of websites and the TV news. But I think I need to go to sleep and pray that I don't have nightmares of murder-suicides.

Peace to the Benoit family, though I imagine it will be hard to come by.

UPDATE: From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution "The details, when they come out," said Fayette County District Attorney Scott Ballard, "are going to prove a little bizarre." Hmmm...

OK, now, for real, I'm going to sleep.

FINAL UPDATE: Authorities believe Benoit strangled his wife and suffocated his son before hanging himself in his weight room. Yeah, that tribute seems kind of icky now. They're still looking into what caused Benoit to commit the murders. They can keep looking, but I can't think of anything more heinous than suffocating your seven-year-old child. I don't think there's a reason that can make that make sense to me.

I'll get back to more lighthearted stuff here soon.