The TV Is Whipping Me

The first in a series?

*You know what would make me more likely to watch "Yo Momma" on MTV? If just once someone would respond to one of the Yo Mommas with "My mother died giving birth to me, you insensitive prick." It wouldn't even have to be true. And, by the way, congratulations to Wilmer Valderrama for doing the impossible...somehow besting Ashton Kutcher for the title of "That '70s Show Cast Member with the Most Annoying Show on MTV." Topher Grace, please commence thinking of ways to top them.

*Sorry, but "1 vs. 100" is yet another bad game show. The questions are so easy in the early rounds that you're not really compelled to stick around to the end of the show. And Bob Saget seems like he's barely interested in the game. So that's another game show failure. Where have you gone, Chuck Barris, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

The best current game show is clearly "Vas o No Vas," the Spanish-language version of "Deal or No Deal." The contestants are cooler, the studio audience is more into it, and the host isn't afraid to touch the contestants. Te amo "Vas o No Vas."

*One good thing about no more baseball--no more Tim McCarver. When I was a kid, I couldn't understand why people hated him so much. I get it now. Completely.

* I accept that, as a virile gentleman of the modern age, I shouldn't be watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and getting all emotional. But I am. Sorry.

*While I'm copping to things, settle back and soak this admission in: I think I'm finally tired of the Real World/Road Rules alumni challenges. "The Duel" is leaving me cold. If they want to get my interest back, I think the next one should just be called "Let's Kill Beth from L.A." And get rid of the "Fresh Meat" kids. They haven't paid their dues.

*Hey, did you hear the funny joke Dane Cook told on his HBO special? Yeah, me neither.

*So, whaddya think of that new opening from "Degrassi: The Next Generation"? And the new girl who has a kid? What? You don't watch the show because it's geared toward 13-year-olds? Oh, right, yeah...I don't watch it either. I just heard there was a new opening on one of The N message boards and...I mean, someone I know told me...ah, forget I ever mentioned this.