Hey, Douchebag (Vol. 3)

This week's Time Out New York focused on the idea of saving money in the current economy. This was one man's tale:

"I took this cute brunet to see a band in Williamsburg at the Shank. I didn't want to pay the cover, but I didn't want to look cheap. So I said to the guy, 'We're with the band--we work for [name of label].' A total lie, but he waved us through! She loved it. The secret? Be really confident, and pick a place that's busy. The more people, the more they want to move you along. The band sucked, but it's not like it cost me anything!" --James, 27, Williamsburg
Money saved: $12 (two tickets)

Hey, douchebag. Congratulations! You did it! You completely pulled one over on a band that, more than likely, got paid based at least partially on the number of people who paid at the door. And, even if that weren't the case, and you merely stuck it to the bar (and I'm all for you messing with a bar in Williamsburg), you were comfortable enough with your perceived genius that you thought it would be a cool idea to pass your awesome knowledge on the rest of the world. Sweet! Thanks, jerkoff.

Look, stupid, it's not like you pulled one over on the Stones. You got one over on a band playing a bar in Williamsburg that, according to Time Out New York, doesn't even have a phone. I wouldn't be proud of that. And I'm gonna guess you could've figured out a way to pull together 12 dollars. Maybe you could have eased up on the cocaine, or not paid your kickball dues for a week (h/t to Tom Scharpling).

I have no doubt that your assessment of the band sucking is probably true, but, you know what, they're trying. They're trying to get people to pay to see them. It's not an easy thing to do. My friend is currently fighting that fight across America (tonight--Portland, Oregon!), in a van whose fuel pump died in the first week of the tour and had to be replaced at a cost he wasn't all that thrilled about. He doesn't need people like you and your equally douchey date sneaking into his shows. So cut it out, dickweed. And stop sharing your story with the world. No one wants it.

Douchebag.