Another Great Moment in Overheard Conversations

Whilst killing time before the Marahliday extravaganza in the City of Brotherly Love last Friday, I happened upon a group of four white people in front of the Independence Hall Visitors Center. One woman was disengaging herself from what seemed to be a friendly gathering as I passed by. Or so I thought. What she yelled out as she walked away made me think she wasn't a close personal friend of the other members of the group:

"If you commit a felony, spread your vagina and pay for it, ni--er."

Except she filled in the dashes.

After hearing her say this, two things crossed my mind:

(1) I should write this down so I don't forget her exact words. But what if I do write it down and I'm killed while the piece of paper containing the above phrase was still in my wallet? It would surely color the lede in the next day's news coverage:

"A man from New Jersey was found dead last night, and the contents of his wallet indicate that the world is a much better place without that jerkoff in it."

They probably wouldn't use "jerkoff" (not AP Style-approved), but it would certainly be implied.

(2) That phrase is probably the best conversation ender ever, and thus could really come in handy if you're stuck in one of those mindless party discussions you desperately want to end. I mean, what chitchat could continue after that bomb is dropped? Sure, the other person(s) involved in the conversation will likely never speak to you again and encourage others to do the same, but is that really such a bad thing? Don't you kind of want that anyway?

I'm just saying. It's yours to use if you want it.

No comments: