Last year, after making several unsuccessful attempts on eBay, I finally achieved a long-time goal (and at a pretty cheap price): owning a poster of "The Fastest Guitar Alive," a Western featuring the one and only silver-screen star turn by the decidedly uncharismatic Roy Orbison. And I'm not knocking Mr. Orbison there; when you have a voice like his, you shouldn't need movie-star charisma. Vox ipsa loquitor, for you Latin aficionados out there (assuming that I have cobbled together the correct Latin phrase for "The voice speaks for itself").
Mr. Orbison's lack of charisma did not prevent the powers that be at MGM from giving him a starring role as Johnny Banner, a Confederate spy with an awesome guitar that features a retractable rifle barrel. I can only guess that the thinking was along the lines of "Well, the kids love the Elvis pictures. Let's make one with that other fella with the high voice. It's a can't-miss."
Well, the result worked for me but, it appears, not many others. Though Elvis starred in a few dozen movies, Mr. Orbison's career as a movie star ended with "The Fastest Guitar Alive." Perhaps one reason why is the stiffness he brought to something as simple as clapping, as seen in "Good Time Party," where it seems like Mr. Orbison isn't really all that into the party (though it doesn't make me love the song any less; in fact, it makes me love it more):
"Pistolero" is another gem (maybe my favorite from the movie), but one in which Mr. Orbison looks only slightly more comfortable:
Well, I don't want to show you the whole movie (though your best bet to do so is via YouTube, as it's only been released on VHS; I've got it if you want to schedule a screening). But I do want to show you the newest addition to Disgraceland, the apartment that's like a museum (tm), the badass poster for "The Fastest Guitar Alive" (framed via my sister as a Christmas gift...thanks!)