New Roommate

When I moved into my apartment, which I lovingly dubbed Disgraceland, I was given a gold lamé-clad Elvis Presley cardboard standee that stood watch for several years before finally succumbing and going to that great recycling plant in the sky. Over the years, I have thought of replacing him with another standee, perhaps military Elvis or, I seriously considered once, a spangled hot pants-wearing Liberace (which I nearly bought before remembering that I am heterosexual and, theoretically, could have a female in my apartment one day). Ultimately, though, I never found the right replacement and accepted that the part of my life where it would be acceptable to have a cardboard standee in my apartment was about to end.

Then, at Chiller this weekend, I saw him. He was standing amid a booth full of toys and various other items adults shouldn't be purchasing. He had a Post-It that read $10 on him, and since I had done so well resisting the Call of the Autograph, I figured I was due for a reward. And so, I bought him.



It's Elvis hawking the limited edition Reese's Banana and Peanut Butter Cups (which aren't bad). It's not technically a standee, so it's now on my kitchen wall, which is a nice place for the King and his candy. And, ultimately, it's a nicer spot than his intended spot above the toilet, where he would have joined Crying Velvet Elvis by the sink.