The Tinsel and Rot Hall of Fame: The Inaugural Inductees

After weeks of deliberation among the Tinsel and Rot Board of Governors, the inaugural class of inductees to the Tinsel and Rot Hall of Fame has been chosen. Twelve lucky inductees will be honored at the forthcoming induction ceremony, which will take place at a time to be determined on a date to be decided in a place to be announced.

What, you ask, are the criteria for entry into the Tinsel and Rot Hall of Fame? Well, first of all, you can't suck. And that's suck as a whole. You can suck every now and then, as we all have our moments of suckiness. But, generally speaking, you've gotta not suck way more than suck to even be considered.

Second, you have to have had a direct, lasting impact on the institution that is Tinsel and Rot. So, while Tinsel and Rot certainly gets much enjoyment from any given participant on "Date My Mom," said participants will not find a place in the hallowed T&R halls. But keep it comin', MTV.

Most important, the decisions of the Tinsel and Rot Board of Governors are final and shall not be challenged. So, really, we don't have any more explaining to do to you.

In alphabetical order, the inductees are:

Chuck Barris--Creator of "The Newlywed Game," "The Dating Game," and, most important, "The Gong Show." And, for good measure, also wrote the undeniably catchy pop hit "Palisades Park" for Freddie "Boom Boom" Cannon. He is definitely the reason I watch game shows as much as I do, probably the reason why I wear hats a lot, and likely the reason why I scratch my head a lot when I feel nervous or uncomfortable. Recommended work: Until they release old episodes of "The Gong Show" on DVD (doubtful), give "The Game Show King" a read. It's his "straight" (re: non-CIA agent) biography, but it's just as entertaining as "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind."

John Candy--When one of the Martin boys told me that John Candy died as we were setting up the Monsignor Farrell High School gym for the Superdance, I assumed he was lying. Turns out he wasn't. That was a bad day. From his work on "SCTV" as one of the Shmenge Brothers all the way through "Who's Harry Crumb?" John Candy earned an eternal spot in the heart of Tinsel and Rot. There was no person whose presence in a movie or TV show brought more excitement in my childhood years. There were a couple of stinkers toward the end of his career, but he'd built up such a list of hits by then that it didn't matter. "Uncle Buck," "National Lampoon's Vacation," "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles," "The Great Outdoors," "Only the Lonely," "Stripes," "Brewster's Millions," "Summer Rental"--I loved them all. One of the three inductees in this class I wish I had met. Recommended work: Just for laughs, "Uncle Buck"; for laughs and a little bit of tears, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles."

Johnny Cash--Maybe the coolest man in popular culture history. Even people who turn their noses up at country music will admit a fondness for Johnny Cash. And that's because he never pandered, never seemed anything less than true and honest. Even when the material he was doing wasn't quite up to snuff, he still pulled it off, just by being Johnny Cash. Recommended work: "I Still Miss Someone," the "Live at Folsom Prison" album, and the "American Recordings" album.

Little Jimmy Dickens--We've been through this, yes? Tinsel and Rot does not have its love for country music (yes, Gawker nerds, we love country music) without Little Jimmy Dickens. One of the last surviving links to the golden age of country music. Cooler than anyone you know. Recommended work: "Life Turned Her That Way" and "Raggedy Ann."

Bob Dylan--Probably one the first serious musical obsessions of Young Tinsel and Rot started after listening to the "Bobfest" from Madison Square Garden in 1992. A life-changing evening. The voice always sounded perfect to me, and even though I liked a lot of the cover versions of his songs done at Bobfest, I've always preferred the originals. And after a few dozen shows, I'm still on board (though, admittedly, slightly less enthused with Keyboard Bob). Tinsel and Rot trivia: James Sigman's first newspaper byline was on a preview of the Bob Dylan concert at Ithaca College in October 1994. It was announced only a few weeks after my first semester began. It was then that I knew I was at the right place. Recommended work: "Don't Think Twice (It's All Right)," "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll," the albums "Blood on the Tracks" and "Hard Rain," his appearance on a L'Chaim telethon with Harry Dean Stanton and Peter Himmelman, lots of other stuff.

William Hickey--Perhaps the least known of the inductees, but no less of a giant. Best known for his work in "Prizzi's Honor," William Hickey receives his accolades from Tinsel and Rot for his performances in two classics, "My Blue Heaven" and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." Young James Sigman's favorite autograph was obtained from William Hickey in Woodstock, New York, after his performance in Israel Horovitz's one-man show "Spared." The producer of the show saw me and my mom waiting afterward and asked us if we wanted to meet Mr. Hickey in his dressing room. Yes, we did. So, we went in and got to hear him tell stories about his stuffed dog and this movie he just finished doing voice work for that he didn't think was any good (which turned out to be "The Nightmare Before Christmas"). Then, right before he called it a night, I asked him to sign an index card for me. He had been signing things "Love love love," but as I explained to him my obsession with "My Blue Heaven" and his one-line response to a guy picking up a roll and asking "What the frig is this?", he began writing something else. And that's how I got the "Popover Popover Popover Love, Bill Hickey" autograph that sits in a place of honor in Disgraceland. Coolest autograph ever. Felt such a debt for that that I actually went to his memorial service, where I found out he was good friends with someone I went to grammar school with. Weird. Recommended work: "My Blue Heaven" or "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," take your pick.

Willie Nelson--For my money, and the money of the Tinsel and Rot Board of Governors, one of the best songwriters of all time. His songwriting talent often gets lost in the Willie persona that everyone adores, but if you take a listen to the body of work he has created, it's impossible to deny him his due. And there is no songwriter who makes it look as effortless as Willie--at least among the living (see Inductee #12). While I'm talking about his writing abilities, let me take this moment to share something with you. You should never slow dance to "Crazy." It's not a slow dance kind of song. It's about lost love, not "oh, we're crazy...but crazy in love!" Learn that. Also, "Crazy" is not a Patsy Cline song. It's a Willie Nelson song that Patsy Cline covered. The song belongs to the writer. Remember that. Recommended work: "The Part Where I Cry," "Three Days," "Whiskey River," the album "Willie and the Family Live," and on and on and on.

Leslie Nielsen--"Airplane!"--a classic, but not just because of Leslie Nielsen. "Police Squad" and "The Naked Gun"--classics because of Leslie Nielsen. "Police Squad" may be the finest show ever created and is certainly the source of my favorite bad pun of all time, after Frank Drebin admits that he knew where to find the perp because of "a little hunch back at the office." Then his partner says, "I thought so. I brought that little hunchback with me." And then he introduces the hunchback. Brilliant. And "The Naked Gun"--essentially the movie version of "Police Squad" may be the most consistently funny movie of all time. You may disagree. I'm not interested in your opinion. Start your own hall of fame. Enrico Pallazzo! Enrico Pallazzo! Recommended work: See above.

Roy Orbison--While the rest of the depressed young folk of the world fawned over Morrissey, I chose Roy Orbison. Roy--and, more specifically, the phenomenal "A Black and White Night Live" cassette tape that I wore down to the spindles--provided much help and guidance from seventh grade right through to high school. That's what happens when your friend starts dating the girl you like. And then she breaks up with him only to move on to another guy, whom you try really hard to dislike but can't really, especially when he stands up for you on the bus when the kids start in on you. Oh, the sad, sad years of the socially awkward teen. Anyway, I don't know how a seventh grader becomes obsessed with Roy Orbison (and not the "Pretty Woman" Roy Orbison but the "Crying"/"Only the Lonely" Roy Orbison), but I'm glad I did. And I salute Roy Orbison and welcome him into the Hall as the second Traveling Wilbury to be enshrined. There might eventually be room for one more. Sorry, Jeff Lynne--it's not you. Recommended work: the album "A Black and White Night Live," "Leah," "Crying" (with or without k.d. lang), "Workin' for the Man," etc,

Randy Quaid--So, one day I headed out to the "Live with Regis and Kathie Lee" studios because I saw that Randy Quaid was gonna be on. But when I got there, the other collectors told me I just missed him. Crap. I missed Cousin Eddie, the man whose lines are frequently quoted around the Sigman household ("Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!" being, of course, at the top of the charts). And I'd brought the "Vacation" video cover and everything. Damn. But, wait, what do I see? Is that him sneaking out for a smoke? It is. OK, calm, calm. Me: "Um, Mr. Quaid, could you sign this for me?" Randy: "Sure." Me:"Oh, thanks a lot. We quote Cousin Eddie around the house all the time." And then there was a look that said, "Seriously, dude, I just want to smoke. Don't start quoting lines from those ridiculous movies to me." Then he smiled politely, and I decided it was best if I stopped talking. But, hats off to Randy Quaid, the better Quaid by far. Recommended work: "National Lampoon's Vacation," "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation," and two scenes in "Caddyshack II."

Hunter S. Thompson--It may seem that I am including the Good Doctor just to show you that I can and do read. And, while, yes, I would like to point that out, it isn't the sole reason for his inclusion. HST was the first journalist I read that made me not want to cry at the thought of pursuing a career where I would be identified as a journalist. Of course, that career hasn't exactly panned out, but, well, you know, I'm writing now, aren't I? In any case, when he was on the top of his game, he was one of the best pure, compelling writers of modern times. Norman Mailer was too full of himself to be any good, Tom Wolfe would get bogged down in writing THWAAAAAAAAK a lot in an attempt to seem hip, and the rest of New Journalism only had fleeting moments of brilliance. But Hunter's ratio of brilliance to dreck was pretty good. And even when his writing got a little too out there, it was always entertaining and at least worth giving a chance. Recommended work: "Hell's Angels," "Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72," the DVD "Breakfast with Hunter" and his first appearance on "Late Night with Conan O'Brien."

Hank Williams Sr.--There is no country music without Hank Williams. And popular music would probably be a good deal worse off as well. It's mindboggling to think of all the ridiculously strong songs he was able to produce in such a short period of time. There's so much to highlight I don't even know where to start. So let's just say there will never be another quite like Hank and welcome him into the Hall. Recommended work: "The Complete Hank Williams" boxed set, probably the best boxed set out there for any artist. If you can't afford that investment, just go for the "Luke the Drifter" CD.

Several people just missed making it in on the first ballot but are expected to make it in the second time around.

Tinsel and Rot salutes the twelve fine men (sorry, ladies) and welcomes them into the hallowed hall of greats here at Tinsel and Rot.