All I Want...

...is a Jackie Rogers Jr.'s $100,000 Jackpot Wad t-shirt. I don't think this is really that much to ask. Surely, someone on the Internet can make me one of these. I've found shirts for Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and Uncle Buck (the former a bit too obscure for me to pull the trigger just yet and the latter, sadly, with an important misspelling that prevents me from buying it), so I know this can be done.

What is Jackie Rogers Jr.'s $100,000 Jackpot Wad you ask? Only the show in my favorite Saturday Night Live skit of all time (the video quality's not great, but there is a bonus Bruce Willis wine cooler ad at the end!).



Everyone is just about perfect in the skit (even Jim Belushi!). And the day I stop laughing at "Chocolate Babies" will be a very sad day.

So, c'mon, a t-shirt. That's all I want.

Bradley Earle Sigman, 15, Good Dog

Bradley Earle Sigman of Staten Island, NY, a basset hound, faithful companion to the Sigman family, and good dog, was put to sleep earlier today. He was believed to be 15 at the time. The cause of death is, well, look, if you make it 15 years with legs that out of proportion with the rest of your body, things are just gonna break down at some point.

While on earth, Bradley Earle enjoyed taking long walks, climbing on the laps of men despite being a few dozen pounds too heavy to make that comfortable, and licking your cereal bowl clean if you were stupid enough to leave it unattended for five seconds. He also ate about a half-dozen bagels once and seemed quite pleased with himself.

Bradley Earle's early years are shrouded in mystery, but his life in the lap of luxury began in the spring of 2000, after his human brother James suggested to his human mother Helen that maybe going to the 2nd Annual Boardwaddle in Ocean City, NJ, would help soothe some of the sting of the then-recent death of Oscar Sigman, the family's first basset hound. Helen was a little reluctant and not anxious to get another dog, but after a few minutes of being around dozens of basset hounds dressed up for a parade, she quickly changed her mind and inquired at the table for Tri-State Basset Hound Rescue. Though Bradley Earle was not at the event, he was one of the dogs available for adoption. Not long after the Boardwaddle, Bradley Earle arrived at his new home in Staten Island, where he remained until his death, except for frequent excursions to his summer residence in Windham, NY.

Bradley Earle arrived at the Sigman house with only his first name, but his human brother, thinking the name Bradley was not quite manly enough, quickly gave him the middle name of Earle after country music legend Steve Earle.

Much like Mr. Earle, Bradley Earle's life was not without controversy. Early on in his time in Staten Island, he attempted to bite Helen's face off when she had the nerve to get a little too close to him while he attempted to sleep next to her on the bed. There was a brief discussion about having to give him back, but, well, the rescue folks weren't too keen on that and it was eventually decided that he would stay provided that he didn't attempt to maul anyone else. This streak lasted until March 2011, when his human sister Laura again got a little too close when trying to take his leash off and received a stitch-worthy chomp on her neck for her indiscretion. But by that point, the probation period was long over, so he stayed. It is even rumored that Helen was more concerned about his well-being than the medical state of her daughter at the time of this event.

It should be noted that he never did such a thing to his human brother or human father. He liked dudes. Not a big fan of other dogs or ladyfolk getting all up in his business, though.

Bradley Earle is survived by the aforementioned Sigmans and was preceded in death by his human father Richard on whose lap it is presumed he is now resting peacefully.

In lieu of flowers, hug your pet or consider adopting one.

What I Liked About January

*Maybe Pete, Asbury Lanes, Asbury Park, NJ
*The birth of Fiona Grace Heindl
*Alejandro Escovedo, City Winery, NYC
*DeLorenzo's Tomato Pies, Trenton, NJ

*Pat Flatley Night, Nassau Coliseum, Uniondale, NY
*The Slide Brothers, City Winery, NYC
*Hudson Falcons, Snapper Magee's, Kingston, NY; Fitzgerald's Harp & Bard, Clifton, NJ
*The New York Giants doughnuts, Dunkin' Donuts, Hasbrouck Heights, NJ








*Winter Pancake Sundae, Sweet Sue's, Phoenicia, NY
*NRBQ, Iridium, NYC
*Cody's Bar and Grill, NYC
*The willingness of people with cars to drive me places