The academic institution that was lucky enough to take copious amounts of money from me and my family for four years recently sent me a reminder that next year is my ten-year reunion. Once I stopped crying after I realized it's been almost ten years since I graduated college, I actually read the letter, which ended as follows:
"Before you start making excuses as to why this year just isn't a good time to attend Alumni Weekend consider this - nobody is getting any younger, your priorities and commitments only grow with age, and since it's only been ten years, there's a greater chance of you remembering a classmate and them remembering you! This is the year to make it happen, so we must all do whatever it takes to get back to [college redacted] for this very special weekend."
Really? Is the hard sell the best approach here? And, if so, why not just come right out and say what you mean? How about:
"Hey, loser. You're only getting older, fatter, more stressed out, and more senile with each passing day. Why not come back and relive the times when you weren't such a drag? And there's a decent chance that people you went to school with will even remember you. They probably won't pretty soon, so get on with it. Get off the couch, you dope."
Or at least that's what I hear.
And that last line just creeps me out. "We must all do whatever it takes." Good God. Do I have to kill someone in order to go to the reunion? Because if I do, count me out. Probably. Depends on who I'd have to kill.
Still thinking about going. And throwing my book in people's faces. Hey, did you know that book still makes a great holiday gift?