Steven Seagal had cancelled his appearance.
With the prospects of seeing Steven Seagal perform dashed, I wondered if this Chiller was indeed worth going to. What if I got there and the bad weather kept more "celebrities" from showing up? Lesser people would've stayed home and watched the 48-hour "Benson" marathon on TV Land. But I am not lesser, people. So I went to Chiller. And watched the "Benson" marathon all day Sunday.
Lest you think that all you will find at Chiller are aging celebrities, there are also bondage magazines. And you get a good deal when you buy bulk. You can also find, as I've mentioned in previous reports, swords and various medieval weapons, bootleg copies of the entire run of "The Wonder Years" (tempting) and "Battle of the Network Stars" (very tempting), and, if you're a little kid, you can find storage tubs full of porn videos, cleverly placed right at your eye level, underneath the table with the legit VHS movies. Neat.
But as exciting as all that is, it can't possibly top all the famous and not-quite-so-famous who, instead of all being corraled into one room like last time, were scattered around two floors in various little conference rooms and in the lobby on the main floor. This was maybe a little annoying, but it was also exciting (not the right word, but it'll have to do) to peek into different rooms and see who was inside. It was kinda like that Madonna video where you see all the different rooms where people are involved in some sort of sexual deviancy. Except instead of someone being ridden like a horse, you'd see Steven Keaton (Michael Gross) from "Family Ties."
Unfortunately for the celebrities, if you were stuck in a room with someone who was clearly more popular than you, it made for a long afternoon, as was presumably the case with Alan "Cameron Frye" Ruck, who was in the same room with the apparently much more beloved Michael Gross. This photo was taken late in the day:
I darted in and out of most of the rooms on the second floor, except the "Star Trek" room, where Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, and Denise Crosby were signing. They had a line that snaked around the hallway when I got there. And there was some dude dressed up in full Starfleet regalia. I knew people did that, but it was still jarring to actually see in person.
Not as jarring as this, though:
That's Diane Salinger. You may recognize her as Simone from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure." Of course, if you don't, she's conveniently dressed as that character. With a piece of paper pinned to her dress that reads "Simone." I suppose she should be commended for going all out for the fans. Yes, I suppose she should.
Salinger was in the large conference room on the main floor, which also featured her "Carnivale" co-star Michael J. Anderson, probably best known for his work on "Twin Peaks":
I wonder if Chiller makes sure to book one little person per show. It also makes me wish that Billy Barty were still alive. I would've liked to meet him. Best little person actor of all time, bar none.
The room also hosted, among others, Ken Kercheval (Cliff from "Dallas"), John Pankow (from "Mad About You," who I didn't even see one person approach), P.J. Soles (from "Rock and Roll High School"), Cherie Currie (from the Runaways), Annabella Lwin (from Bow Wow Wow), and Carmine Appice (the drummer from Vanilla Fudge), who, I swear to you, actually sold a signed bass drum head for $250. I saw it happen.
The star of one of my favorite shows as a youth, Corin "Corky" Nemec ("Parker Lewis Can't Lose"), was also in the room, but charging $25 for his autograph. So, no go on that. Ditto for the $15 photo with my camera.
But that price was at least better than the going rate just to take a photo of Kim "Tootie Ramsay" Fields, which the guy at her table informed me would be $10 when I tried to take a photo. Not with me. Just of her. Ten dollars.
***PHOTO OF KIM FIELDS WOULD HAVE GONE HERE****
She also made the criminal mistake of having bad photos-- that is, current head shots and not Tootie photos. She looks good, but, c'mon, I don't want the head shot you send out in the vain hope that someone will hire you again. I want the Tootie in braces and/or wearing roller skates photo. Embrace it, Tootie.
And, yes, I watched a lot of "Facts of Life." I have a sister. Let's blame her.
Tootie was seated next to Kevin McCarthy, best known in my world as R.J. Fletcher from the cinematic classic "UHF." Unfortunately, the only photos he had from "UHF" were color laser printouts. Disappointing. So I didn't buy an autograph from him either. I think I could've gotten a free photo with him, but he's 92 and I sense he was getting tired of giving photos away for nothing. So I just piggybacked on another guy's request and took this photo instead:
A few tables down sat the man with the finest cauliflower ears in all of wrestling, if not the world, Mr. Bruno Sammartino. At the risk of making you insanely jealous, I must tell you I met Bruno many years ago at the opening of a P.C. Richard store. So no need to buy an autograph from him. But I still wanted a picture of one of those ears:
By now, I am sure you are simply dying to know if I bought any autographs or if I just wandered around taking pictures. Well, it ultimately came down to two people. The first I had no idea about until I saw him. I had seen the name Michael Rooker, but it didn't ring a bell. But then I entered one of the upstairs rooms and, whoa...
Hey, it's Chick Gandil from "Eight Men Out"! Maybe the best baseball movie ever!
He's also been in "Mississippi Burning," "Slither," "Mallrats," and, of course, "Days of Thunder," where he played Rowdy Burns, the Dale Earnhardt character in the movie. During one of the Q&As, he talked about filming "Days of Thunder," driving at 200 MPH, and directly causing the romance of Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman by telling Tommy that if Tommy didn't go after her, he would. And the rest is history.
Anyway, he seemed like a pretty decent guy, and I love "Eight Men Out." And I really thought long and hard about paying the $20 for the signed photo of him as Chick Gandil. But, ultimately, I couldn't justify it. But I did grab him after the Q&A for a quick (free) photo.
The person I finally broke down and bought an autograph from was actually in the main vendor room, sitting at a vendor table right near the exit. I walked by her a few times debating if I should spend the money, but, just as both she and I were getting ready to leave, I finally took the plunge and forked over the $10 (the cheapest rate that I saw). And I got a signed 8X10 (and a lovely photo with) Frances Esemplare, who plays Nucci Gualtieri, Paulie Walnuts' "mom"/aunt (as opposed to his "aunt"/mom) on "The Sopranos."
I think what I enjoy most about the photo (and, yes, it's her head shot, but she's allowed) is that it's signed, "Best Wishes, Nucci Soprano." So, not only is her actual name not on it, but she doesn't even have the right character name. Worth every penny.
And because Steven Seagal no-showed, I still had time to get home and see Debbie Gibson at the Newport Center Mall. She opened with "Only In My Dreams." She closed with "Crocodile Rock." She did all her hits and a bunch of covers in between. It was interesting. But I'm still a Tiffany man.
And so went another Saturday in New Jersey.
Now it's off to the real fun in St. Louis. I might check in from the road.
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